Friday, July 16, 2010

Question: dealing with peer pressure to relax

My daughter seems to love her natural hair. She loves the different styles she can achieve and likes not using chemicals, that is, until she goes to school and church. My daughter has no friends with natural hair. Really no adult role models either. 

When she wears her hair picked out in a halo with a headband some of her friends call her hair "messy." She sees friends with long hair nearly to their bums and wants long hair like that, not connecting that their actual hair is very short and they are wearing weave.She gets a lot of questions about her hair and a lot of suggestions from her peers that she get a relaxer.

There has been a lot more women with natural hair in the media but not so many little girls with natural hair. I wish there was more support for her. I know some people are probably thinking, "hey it's only hair" but it's so much more than that. There is so much that natural hair means to me. It's not only safer and much better for her hair it's also telling my daughter you are WONDERFUL exactly the way you are!! My daughter does not need to be what society says she is to be, as a female or as a biracial person.

I am very positive at home about her natural hair. I love taking time to care for it properly and we never use words like "unruly" or "nappy" (though I realize some have reclaimed that word) but what can I do about all these messages she receives from her peers. 

Any ideas of how J can respond to questions about her natural hair? How can she respond positively when her hair is formed into a beautiful halo is called "messy"? 



  1. Hi,
    Thankfully I have not had this problem with my daughter because her classmates are somewhat intrigued by it. However, she is the only girl in her class with her type of hair. She hasn't ever expressed to me the desire to have straight hair. I think it is important to reassure our children that this is the way that God made them and that it is beautiful. I remind my daughters that staying natural will keep their hair its healthiest and also benefit their health. I think you are doing a great thing for her and just keep reminding her that she is beautiful, her hair is beautiful, and that it's ok to be different from the crowd. I hope all goes well.

  2. Thanks so much! I appreciate the support!!

    Blessings ~ Jennifer

  3. You r welcome! Thanks for the great blog and the natural product reviews.I've been looking for a blog like this.

  4. I have to agree - I love your natural product reviews, too!

    I wish I could come give your daughter a hug! What I wouldn't GIVE to have naturally curly hair! Keep reminding her that these kids are only a few small people in the world. Many many people out here would LOVE to have hair like hers. and you can't get that out of a bottle. I've had straight hair my whole life and there's no way to make it look naturally curly. There just isn't. I've begged for perms, I've used more curlers than I can count - and while some look good, others even look ok - NOTHING looks as good as natural curl. (Plus the curl falls out as the day goes on :( )

    No matter who you are, or what you have - at some point in your life someone out there will tell you that you should wish you were different. Don't listen! It's THAT PERSON who's insecure and trying to drag others down so that they feel better. In my experience, when people are the rudest and the meanest and the most inconsiderate - it's because they have such low self-worth.

    Just keep doing what you're doing and telling your beautiful daughter that it's not her responsibility to improve other people's views of themselves. All she is responsible for is being who she is and loving who she is - and being true to herself. Other peoples and their crazy ideas come and go - but we live with ourselves everyday.

    She's beautiful the way God made her!!

  5. Thanks so much for your wise and kinds words, I share them with J!!!

    Ya'll are awesome! Thanks!

    Blessings~ Jennifer

  6. it is very difficult! A trip to a natural hair show might be a nice spike in her confidence...a trip to the nh salon, or even finding someone her age with nh. Growing up is so difficult...peer pressure is prob that hardest thing to deal with. You are doing a good job by being positive :o)

  7. Lady Kinnks I am in North FL about 6 hrs. from Atlanta. ATL seems to have so much going on in the NH community, I really wish I was closer. If I have the money by the time the next NH hair show comes around I'll maybe make it an overnight trip for us. I REALLY want to go to one.
    I have noticed a couple of her peers are now talking about trying to go natural...not sure what their parents will say but it's kool that there has been some positive influence!

    Peace & Blessings~ Jennifer

  8. I understand how your daughter feel because my own family meaning my mother feel that i should put a relaxer in my 6yrs old hair because it nappy and not in their eyes good hair. When use example like the some people who are natural like alicia keys, jill scott, and now janet she say they have good wavy, curly hair. So i told her all hair is good and if she feel that my child's hair not good well boo 2 her but i am raising my child not her.


Please leave your comment below. All advertisements and links will be removed. Should you want to advertise on this site please e-mail Thanks!!! Have a Blessed Day!